Dear______________________.
Your
death has left a gaping hole in my life and heart, producing an emptiness
I know will never be filled. I miss your voice, the sound of your laughter,
those funny endearing things you did, those moments when I was infuriated
at you. I miss the dreams I had for and with you. I miss the future we will
never have and the past which, no matter how long it may have been, will never
be long enough.
I
have wept for you as well as for myself. I have raged in anger at you, at
God, at Fate, at the world, at anyone and anything which seemed to be an appropriate
target. I have tried to understand why you are no longer with me, why I have
to struggle through this world without you. Some people have reached out to
help me; others have turned away, unable to bear the pain I carry. I do not
ask them to share it with me, only to listen as I talk and cry. I have waited
in the darkness for some sign that you are in a better, safer place, and even
when I may have received it, I could not help but question how it could be
better if I am not there with you. And I have wanted to join you so often
when the aloneness threatened to overwhelm me.
Through
all of this turmoil and doubt. I have managed to come this far. I have not
yet achieved my goal, but at least I can now recognize that I am on the road
to recovery. I am not sure how I will go on without you; no matter how many
other important people may be in my life, you have always held a special place,
and it is hard to imagine you not with me.
Will
you walk beside me now as a friend, comrade, loving companion? I cannot come
to you at this time, I can only trust that we will be reunited in God's love
and compassion. But my life must go on; it is time for me to begin to live
my life for myself and others. As I think of letting you go, I must now ask
that you also let go of me. Your new life must seem as strange to you as my
new life seems to me; perhaps the memory of me is as comforting to you as
your memory is to me. Let us, then, agree to explore these new existences,
these new spheres of reality, knowing that we carry the other with us, not
with chains, but with loving, open hands.
I let you go, my dearest. I know you will never leave my side, as I will never leave yours. Thank you for the wonderful, unique relationship we shared. When we meet once more, I look forward to sharing these new experiences with you. I love you. I miss you. I will never forget you.
