THE AFTER LOSS CREDO
I
need to talk about my loss.
I
may often need to tell you what happened -
or
to ask you why it happened.
Each
time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself
face
the reality of the death of my loved one.
I
need to know that you care about me.
I
need to feel your touch, your hugs.
I
need you just to be "with" me.
(And
I need to be with you.)
I
need to know you believe in me and in my
ability
to get through my grief in my own way.
(And
in my own time.)
Please
don't judge me now -
or
think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember
I'm grieving.
I
may even be in shock.
I
may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I
may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt.
I'm
experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before.
Don't
worry if you think I'm getting better
and
then suddenly I seem to slip backward.
Grief
makes me behave this way at times.
And
please don't tell me you "know how I feel,"
or
that it's time for me to get on with my life.
(I
am probably already saying this to myself.)
What
I need now is time to grieve and to recover.
Most
of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank
you for your patience.
Thank
you for caring.
Thank
you for helping, for understanding.
Thank
you for praying for me.
And
remember, in the days or years ahead,
when
you may have a loss - when you need me
as
I have needed you - I will understand.
And
then I will come and be with you.
Author:
Barbara Hills LesStrang
This is something else I would like to be able
to share with our friends who have not lost a child, to help them understand.