WHEN YOU LOSE AN ONLY CHILD

The loss of an only child is neither greater nor less than the loss of one of many children.  However, the loss of an only child is experienced differently.  It is different because you lose your parenthood, which is such a large part of the life of any parent.

1. With the death of an only child, you lose the one person who could use all of the love you had to give every hour of every day.

 a. One of the secrets of parenthood is that from birth, children teach us that we have a greater capacity for unselfish love than we thought possible.
 b. When your only child dies, you may feel that you are drowning in the parental love your heart continues to generate for the child you have lost.

2. With the death of an only child, you lose so much of your own future that was tied to your child's future.

 a. The first day of school
 b. Sports
 c. Learning to drive
 d. A first crush, a first date, a first heartbreak
 e. High school
 f. College
 g. Career
 h. Marriage
  i. Children, grandchildren, great grandchildren

Your only child lost all of this from his or her future.  And so did you.

3. With the death of an only child, you suffer many tiny losses that cause pain only another grieving parent can comprehend.

a. You have lost the joy of checking the cereal aisle to see if Cocoa Puffs are on sale.
b. You have lost the reason to keep up with the top ten hits on the pop music charts.
c. You have lost the joy of caring what prize is in a box of Cracker Jack.
d. You have lost the joy of getting up early on a Saturday morning for kids soccer, basketball, or bowling.
e. You have lost the reason to hope for a December snow.
f. You have lost the person who thought you made the best cocoa on a cool December evening.
g. For me, I lost a gentle, kind, generous child who loved, watched for, and shared beautiful sunsets.

The loss of an only child is a devastating loss.  Your child has lost his or her life.  And you have lost an important piece of your own life, your parenthood.  The Compassionate Friends chapter near you is there to help you acknowledge and grieve these losses by sharing your pain with others who have known their own pain.

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